1 week...

It's been a week since i regained my status of a single womyn. Life hadn't been easy. Fallen ill. Hadn't fully recovered. Lots of back log at work. Even the one i hold dear seems to be so vague. But i am glad to have my friends around me. Even though i had neglected them from time to time. Especially YS. She cares not because she's just a friend. She understands what it feels like to have tried so hard but yet lose everything in the end. And maybe we share similar ideas or preconceptions about certain things.

Recently i've been thinking about all the relationships that i had. Whenever i really love or like that person, we'll never have a fairy tale ending. Whereas for those that i like but do not really love, they love me till the depths of the ocean. Somehow i just find that this is all a joke. Why can't i be left alone. To walk a peaceful and quiet life?? Must it be warth with agony and anguish from the day i was born?? Throughout my life, i had lost countless friends. One could have been my best friend. But i guess that's that. I still miss her tho. Wish one day i could call her on as a friend again.

I guess why my health is suffering right now is coz my heart is closed. I can't accept a certain few things and people. To these people, i sincerely offer my apologies and genuinely hope for them to give me time. During which, i might say things that are really nasty but i really don't mean them. I just need to protect myself. And the only way that i had learnt is to bite. Please forgive me. Allow me to apologise for all the nasty things i've said and might say in future.

I do have a quick way to heal from all these and might hurt 2 people in the process but i will definitely hurt one of them. I wish i knew what i should do. I don't wish to hurt anymore people. It's all too tiring coz it will all come back to me in the end.

Maybe quite a fair bit of people will be happy to see me in this state. Especially people that i have hurt. But i am thankful. Thankful for one of those whom i have hurt is offering me some comfort to my restless soul.